Far As The Curse Is Found

24 Dec

No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.

I long for this to be true in my life. True like the air I breathe.
I feel like I am walking in a zombie land, night of the living dead.
My words come out as tiny flames, in a world frozen to death
and it hardly seems to make a difference.
I want to believe that it does, for just a moment.

I sit, alone on Christmas eve, staring at the string of lights,  squinting till they blur together, like I have always done.


Lately, I am so sick and tired of the bullshit.
I am sick of everyone faking it, especially myself.
I am sick of these Christians with their smiles pretending like they don’t struggle like the rest of the world struggles. Sick of them getting angry when people say “happy holidays,”  yet not giving a shit about the person checking them out of Target.

I get so lost in this place, this country, these shining towers of materialism and endless lines of complaints. I begin to breathe the smog and listen to the whining, and believe I am getting cheated. I think the government owes me something, the corporations are there to serve me, failing to see the moment I think that, it is I who is the slave.

I get so lost in this mecca of Christianity, these thousands of churches and ministries and all the good things being done in the name of God. I begin to think maybe I should do more, like if I did, Jesus will smile a little wider when He sees me. Or maybe I should know more stuff. If I just knew the bible in Greek, I would have all the answers, or at least be right in all the debates. If I prayed more, maybe the world would be better. I realize now, these thoughts put the shackles back on my feet.

There is an information overload, and we all know it. We know everything but ourselves. Maybe we should start plugging are ears, closing our eyes. It is just too much. There is too much going on. Maybe we just need to sit down, stop trying to produce things. Quit our plans and agendas and jump off our ladders and towers.

I can’t even love my neighbor, my own family, myself. How am I supposed to do anything else?

This is all about grace, yet I can’t even receive gifts without feeling like I owe the person something. I am beginning to wonder if It is possible to even give without selfish motive, out of ourselves. I want to live like life is a gift, because it is. I cannot earn anything.

I am tired of jumping back and forth in my mind, from living the life I really want, the way I was created to live, to the way “society” expects me to live, the way the church expects me to sit still and be quiet and not question. Ok, maybe I am a big fat failure in the eyes of the world. Good. Ok, so maybe I don’t play the part of a perfect conservative obedient evangelical anymore. I’d rather not fake it.

This time of year brings out the worst and the best in me, maybe in all of us. We all want to blame the system. Blame Wal-Mart. Blame Obama. Blame our own greed, the blood that runs through us that lusts for more. Blame the Christians, that’s the easiest. After all, this is OUR holiday, and we all know it’s become the opposite of what it’s supposed to be.

(Just. Like. Us.)

So any sane, thinking person throws the whole things out. Starts their real, honest search for truth, for life.

A search that inevitably ends in disappointment and death without Jesus.

I forget sometimes, it’s just simply about Jesus.
(I hate even the sound of myself saying it because it sounds cliche and unreal, but it is not. )

It really is about Him.
It always has been, it always will be. Maybe you have never met anyone that makes this real in your own life. Maybe you’ve only met a handful. It doesn’t matter.

(This. Is. Real.)

He was born (in a barn). He lived and loved and turned the world upside down. (God in human skin, came to be with us, because that’s the only way it could happen)

He was killed, but that killed death. He murdered death in us. So we could be alive. So our soul could feel it’s worth.

But we are not…. I am sick of living as if the gospel is just a word, the title of a church, the name of a message.

This is life. It’s the only thing that is NOT bullshit.

I know this for a million reasons, a million moments. I know it like I can feel my heart beating right now.

But I can’t know it for you.

God, I wish I could. (but not as much as He does)

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.

We look around, and we can chose to see heaven or hell.
We can be angry at God because of humans being stupid, or we can realize we are always gonna be wrong and God is right.
We live our lives and we can chose to live love which is life,
or live anything else, which is death.
His blessings are flowing, far as the curse is found.
Grace is all around. Love flows.
Jesus IS love.

(I don’t know anything else.)

Long lay the world in sin and error pining, till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

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