Feeling 25 Lately

lately
I am a woman of few(er) words
lately
I want to go shopping for furniture & fresh produce
lately
I surprise myself by both capability & insecurity
lately
I don’t care as much
yet,  I do
my love for one is growing
my mind is slowly finding peace
25 is not what I thought It’d be
no
It’s better
there is a stillness that replaces the noise
yet clutter resides in places I thought
I’d finally be “grown up enough” to realize
had taken shape, control
motion
Isn’t there supposed to be some magic recipe
baking inside me, done when I reach a quarter of a century?
smells good, now I’ve done it, now I’ve reached it
THIS must be LIFE!!
that’s what “they” tell me

But, I know:
I am still a shy little girl
I am still an adventurous teenager
I am still an early 20’s thinker
30 scares me, but I think I by the time I reach it,
life will no longer be just about me
still
I wonder where I am going
I can’t see the road I am on
but I smell the wildflowers and I know I am almost home
and now
I know
home is not a place
but a Being
I hope 26 really cements this in her heart

there is no where to go but deeper into love