The Struggle Between The Tree And The Wind

6 Jan

Am I the only one that feels this tension, this pulling within?

I am so afraid of being grounded, yet at times it’s what I want more than anything.

I decided, years ago, I’d rather be a wanderer.

But lately I feel old.

Lately I want to take my belongings out of storage.

Lately I want to live somewhere where I can build a home.

I know these thoughts are ok but sometimes I hate them.

I hate the thought of being stuck.

I  think, “I used to be wild and free.”

But no one is putting chains on me but me.

(This is me surviving.Walking, pacing, watching the sky change.)

I always tell people to embrace these  seasons of coming and going, of no strings attached.

It’s not like I have a family to take care of.

It’s not like I even have a job where I am stuck in one place.

(But oh at times, how green the grass seems anywhere else.)

I am 26 and no more sure than I was 10 years ago.
But I am ready for life to not be about me.

So I tell myself I can follow my passion.
I can live in abundance…

Wait….. I do.
I do live in abundance.
I have so much beauty, love, people. I am doing what I love, too.

Someone from New England asked me last night if I just love living in Texas.

After 8 years I could say honestly that I do.
(Trust me, even forming those words is an act of rebellion to my vagabond soul.)

I used to count my days by the places I went.
I relished living out of a suitcase.

I dreamed of endless places and people and possibilities.
It was never easy but it was worth the freedom I felt.

Have I gotten so comfortable?
Have I fallen into desiring normal instead of living an adventure?

Those things that were so intertwined in the fabric of my being, being reminded over and over that it’s not only ok not to know, but I’d rather not, cause

“Life is better off a mystery.”

So I can be free.
Every day can be magical
It’s all up to me.

I ask myself,

“Can I be a tree or can I be the wind?”

The answer is,

“Both.”

“When did I lose it?” I ask, fearing the worst.

The answer is,
“Never.”

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7 Responses to “The Struggle Between The Tree And The Wind”

  1. Joe January 6, 2012 at 8:07 pm #

    I feel the same way!

    • BrookeGale January 7, 2012 at 2:30 pm #

      Joe Day!
      For reals. I think being on the road especially whacks us out. I wouldn’t trade it for anything though. 🙂

  2. J Pettigrew January 6, 2012 at 8:12 pm #

    LOVE this! I went through this same struggle for so long. Finally, after years of feeling awkward, I felt God say to me, “J, you are right where I want you, and when it’s time for to be moved, I’ll move you.” Since then, God has moved me a few times to different places, but has MOVED my spirit over and over again!

    • BrookeGale January 7, 2012 at 2:29 pm #

      Thanks for the comment J! I am glad I am not the only one. That is so good to remember God is the one that moves us, and sometimes it’s not even physically. I am realizing that too, every day is an adventure in Him!

  3. bardessdmdenton January 7, 2012 at 3:25 pm #

    The tree needs the wind to know it’s flexible. Even if we think we are, we are never really stuck or too comfortable. We can only hold our breath for so long. I’ve found that being content and being adventurous are not really at odds with one another.

    Thanks for sharing, BrookeGale!

  4. localgirl January 7, 2012 at 8:34 pm #

    The wind makes the tree’s roots grow deeper. Or…it breaks it off and makes it firewood. Oh, gosh, I’m feeling rather like firewood today. 

  5. macleaneyAmanda January 9, 2012 at 9:02 am #

    Good post.

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