she asked rhetorically, with a hint of cynicism
after all, she had seen her fair share of badness
death and decaying hope
overwhelming sorrow drenched her sheets
until she rung them out with her frail hands
squeezing droplets
cementing in her consciousness
never to let the world drop her flat on her back again
this time, I’ll fight back
she promised herself and the world around her
including those she loved
until they became her enemy just like the rest
hurt for hurt became
hate for hate
intimidation for intimidation became
kill or be killed
fear folded over into fear
until it covered and suffocated and blocked out all the light
How do I make myself good?
the question barely reached her for the force
she spent pushing it aside
violently destroying herself inside
battered and numbed over
forgetting the soft, rounded edges of hope
not daring to let it show
for the pain it ensued
then a voice, a face, taking the shape of a child
spoken in some other tongue
some language spoken gently to her former self
before she left civilian life to fight
vaguely making out a few words
she heard whispers of long-ago victory
of something resembling peace,
no– defining it
maybe even love
yes, definitely love
as she grasped those words with a strength from outside of her
she consumed them, starving
I’ve been wanting to do videos to my poems for awhile, I did one a few years back, but it got deleted when my youtube account was hacked. In the future, I hope to actually get more video and less pictures, but we will see.
Side note/bragging excitement: This poem is one of my favorites and it actually just won first place in The Shine Journal’s Contest and was nominated for The Pushcart Prize. I am excited this is like the first writing contest I have ever won and I have literally entered hundreds.
This past week I turned 26 and spent my last day at Pais. I honestly expected I was going to be there longer, but several different changes and opportunities made me realize it was time to move on. I am going to miss the people I worked with, they are amazing and have truly added so much to my life, I am so thankful for them. I learned a ton at this job and I know I was there for so many reasons.
Life is an adventure, I never really know what is around the bend, but I am reminded again, this is how I thrive. I remember my life song, Faith My Eyes by Caedmon’s Call,
and I don’t want to know, cause life is better off a mystery….
Yes. A change will do me good. I am used to the good-bye’s and hello’s, it seems to be how life rolls along. At first I struggled with thinking I have commitment issues or something, but no, this is the way God made me. I come alive when I itinerate.
so keep on coming, these lines on the road…
I am now currently a full-time freelance writer. I have a few writing projects I am pursuing, including one opportunity to co-write a book with someone who has enormously influenced my life. That is going to be my main focus this summer and most likely beyond. It is something that has been burning on my heart for the past three years, it is incredibly important book the world needs to read- a journey from bondage to grace and life. I am so excited because I feel like God is finally releasing me to jump into this. More on that later. 🙂
Keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load…
I also contributing to this beautiful book called Teach Your Daughters to Cry Loudly. This project is by Jonathan Almanzar, the same talented writer who co-authored the book, Crabgrass and Oak Trees, which I reviewed earlier in my blog. Teach Your Daughters is collaboration of stories of oppressed women all over the world, a way share in their suffering and have our hearts broken until we must do something to help ease their pain. The story I have contributed is one about a girl I met in the brothel in India, the sister of one of the girls in the children’s home we worked out. Seeing since how the soul purpose of our trip to India was to tell stories, it is amazing to me how one year later, it is really happening. This book is so much my heart and I am honored to be a part of it.
Keep me guessing, these blessings in disguise…
If you are still reading, thank you for being a part of my journey. I am going to try to blog more often here.
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