Remember when We’d get lost in a crowd Bump shoulders with a stranger Emmersed in the swelling music A sound bigger than all of us
Remember when We’d smile at the elderly woman In the grocery store Browsing the same aisle And she would smile back And lean her wrinkled face towards Our sticky toddler To say hello And remind us how fast childhood goes
Remember when We’d shake hands Look each other in the eye Speak our minds With kindness Believe in the good of our neighbors Our country
Believe We are well
When we’d Sit in coffee shops Inhaling the scent of being awake Eavesdropping on conversations From the tables next to ours Reading faces Watching life happen Outside the window
Remember when We’d dream of traveling The world Of every gorgeous & Dangerous possibility Open before us
In 2009 I self-published a collection of poems I wrote while traveling through China and Central America the previous year. My hope was to raise money in order to move to Asia. Plans changed, as they do, but I was happy just for the accomplishment of getting my words out into the world. Years went by and I toyed with the idea of doing another book. Procrastination got the best of me, as always. After all, it is so much easier just to press “publish” on wordpress. Finally, after many life changes, moves, marriage, a baby and another on the way, I published “What the Water Does for My Words.”
It’s interesting to see how my style and voice have developed over the years. Also, how I really still have no idea what I am doing. I am not a poetry expert. Sometimes when I read other poems I think, “my stuff sounds nothing like this.” I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but it’s just me. I’ve found over the years, it’s the one medium I can be completely free. Despite what experts may say, there are no rules. I like that I can feel the freedom to play with words and not worry about being relevant or cheesy. Either it speaks to you or it doesn’t.
I think poetry is one of the most overrated and underrated forms of writing. I say this because it has a bad reputation in modern society of being sappy or cheesy. Like greeting cards or Christian rap. But throughout history it was the language or lovers and warriors alike, an artistic form that surpassed logic and science and went straight for the heart.
I think that’s why I can find my home there.
I have a hard time categorizing poems, I guess that’s the whole organizational thing that doesn’t really come naturally for me. But I attempted in this book to group them into three overlying themes that came out as I read through them:
Earth.
Wind.
Water.
Many of these poems are about finding peace and contentment in nature. Others explore my frustrations with modern society and myself. Others are more about my struggles with Christianity and my journey from religion into grace.
If you’ve followed my writing at all over the years, I think you will like it. 🙂
Today I participated in The Poetry Marathon. Basically, you sign up and commit to writing a poem every hour for 12 hours (the half marathon) or 24 hours for the full marathon. I decided to do the half marathon because I need my beauty sleep.
I signed up last minute in hopes to kick myself out of the writer’s block I’ve been stuck in. I usually don’t take these things online too seriously, and I proved myself right when I woke up late this morning after staying up late with friends and said “screw it.” It was past the start time and I was feeling too tired and uninspired.
But I really had no plans for the day, so I had breakfast and sat down to write a line or 2. I am glad I did. I am not in love with any of the poems, but it was a great creative exercise. I may even suck it up and do the full 24 hours next year.
Before I go down to the river
Lend me your hand
So I can understand how
The way your veins run with blood
And how the water runs over rocks
Are the same
That’s what you said
As you whispered thoughts that have never come up for air
Drowning in your sentences
New and alive
Words melting icicles
Dripping wet in the sun
Good morning.
That’s what I said
And the newness of the day wrapped around us
A blanket covering our nakedness
Billowing questions of worth
Transcend time and matter
As we walk against the wind
Barely holding ourselves up
How can we get anywhere
When questions like this prevail?
How can we make a dent in the ground
To plant anything worth harvesting?
How can we plan for the future
When we don’t know our own names?
How can we bare children
When all is left barren?
When the storm shouts
Deafening us to any other voices
“You don’t deserve this.”
Little dove
Don’t worry about your destination
Your wings are strong enough
Despite what you’ve been told
You carry the weight of the universe
In your feathers
Yet the upward motion comes
As easy as the rising sun
Little dove
All will be well
Despite what the news projects
You carry the potential for peace
In your beating heart
Don’t let the world bring you down
You belong in the clouds
Lately I feel it all
Rushing into me
A house fire blazing
From room to room
Leaving only charred foundations
Caked with soot
And I am left standing
Shivering in the ashes
Grateful for the in and out
Of my lungs
Grieving over what’s lost
With the tiniest certainty
One day I’ll rebuild
Walk with me
And tell me amazing things
Of how you conquered the world
Inside your own head
Slaying those dark thoughts
With glimpses of light
Beams of grace
Illuminating ghettos
Show me your scars
While telling war stories
Of how you barely lived
To see today
Just so you could walk with me
I feel a relief sweeping through me
Like knowing summer’s almost over
And soon I’ll be able to be outside
Breathing in air that doesn’t suffocate
Like soon I’ll have a place to rest my head
Away from the chaos I create
I used to imagine the afterlife
A sparkling city with a dark sky
Literal golden mansions
Where flawless people picked fruit from backyard orchards
And bathed in clear waters
Walking on diamond covered river
Now when I do think of heaven
My mind is blank– there’s no scenery
I only picture the immense feelings
Of loving purely– and being loved
Multiplied by infinity
I close my eyes and drift to a place
Where I am always happy and at peace
Where I am organized and productive
Where my life is shining and clean
Where my book is a best seller
And I travel the world with my babies
Where every word I say matters
Then I stop
Rewind a bit
Backtrack from an imaginary future
To the past
Where I was a scared little girl
With nothing but dreams
Afraid to speak
And that I’d never be enough
And I know
We’ve come a long way, baby
This is only Part 1
The rest of my story will have plenty of twists
I am tired but I am here
I just want to be more than here
I want to be present
Fully alive
Available
Myself
I want to be captured by beauty
And be ok in my own skin
To stop overthinking
And really live
Maybe one day I’ll write about more
But for right now
Every line in my poem
Leads me back to this:
Happiness comes when I am fully awake
In the stillness of the morning I close my eyes and feel covered by a peace that warms the sensitive skin of my soul fragile and yearning for comfort a warm cup of obsoletes in a room of shivering uncertainties
I don’t have a clue but I’ll stay inside the mystery this land of unknowns it’s wild and open and free
I’d rather be here then the bleak, cold bus station thinking I know my destination riding in circles to fake conclusions living half-awake with no anticipation drifting into a monotonous drive where everything looks the same all is safe and colorless
I’ve forgotten how to be alive:
be here where I don’t have a clue inside the mystery the land of unknowns where it’s wild and open and free
I’ve been down this road before a clear map in my imagination pale faces line the highways and I don’t turn to see I am too focused on my destination I forget the point of the journey
there’s no time for ignoring humanity no room to fall for the same old spiel lies to fake what’s inside of me fear is a traffic jam in my head and the noise is unprecedented
but love is the driving force love makes room for the swirling apprehensions and the deafening doubts love doesn’t fear them love resists forcing a hand or controlling a plan loves steers off the wide road and brings me home
so right now I don’t have a clue but I’ll stay inside the mystery this land of divine unknowns where It’s open and wild and free
My hands are ready to create something new
My soul is open to all that is true
Come in however You wish please do
Thousands of miles across the world
New colors paint streaks in my head
Red, green, and gold overcome cobwebs
This goes against all I have been told
This story of beauty and joy is possible
I am aching for a new way to say
How this flower is blooming again
I am longing for a new script to this play
And believing all the world is a stage
Come to me truth, run into my arms
Embrace me and whisper the secrets of old
I don’t have the answers anymore
Windows flung wide open I hear streets below
Calling out for justice and peace
Beckoning my pen to come alive with stories dying to be told
My eyes are ready for a new scene
My heart is thirsty for grace found in You
Come in however You wish please do
Distant lands the beautiful
Faces pass I see one, finally one
”Wherever you are, be all there”
I have searched my whole life, now I am done
Welcome contentment this is your home
Now I am happy
Now I am loved
Now I know I am never alone
New scents ride on the wind and I breathe them in
I allow them to imprint tracks on my memory
Here will be forever a part of me
My hands are ready to create something new
My soul is open to all that is true
Come in however you wish please do
Morning’s here again and I throw back the
curtains and let the light shine in
Laughter visited me last night in between awake
and a dream
I have never felt a joy so real
And it’s all because I know You
Only you can create something so new
My eyes have found new scenery
My heart has found grace in you
You have come in and stirred up my world
Shook me through and through
This darling girl is my *almost* two-year-old niece, Sierra.
She is one of twin girls, born to my brother and sister-in-law Davis and Mindy.
The (Other) Lubys- Mindy & Davis, AJ, Julia & Sierra
Sierra is special, and though I’ve only had the privilege of meeting her once, she holds and special place in my heart.
Sierra, like my younger brother Robert, was born with Down Syndrome.
And like Robert, she was diagnosed with Leukemia before she turned two.
One of the Best Guys I know
Thankfully, my brother is a perfect picture of health, happiness and just plain awesomeness! He turned 22 a few months ago.
My family is praying and believing the same thing for Sierra.
What Sierra Thinks of Hospital Food.
Sierra started treatment about a month ago and will be in the hospital for the next seven months. Family and friends out in Northern California where the Lubys live, are looking for ways to raise money to help meet the hospital bills that will soon pile up.
So from today on, if you buy my self-published book, a 75 page collection of poetry, All Things Are Becoming New, all proceeds will go to the Luby family to help with Sierra’s medical bills.
It’s only $7 and available through create space by clicking the link above. 50% of that money goes straight to the print-on-demand company to actually make the book, and 50% will go to Sierra.
If you already have my book or hate poetry or just want to give more, you can do so directly through paypal by clicking here.
Thank you so much, and thank you for all your prayers.
Sierra makes such an impression on people… even after they leave pediatrics and head off to some other department, they are still keeping up on her status in the hospital medical record computer. Their reaction to seeing her is hilarious (for lack of a better word). After they have read about what’s going on and how her blood counts look they expect to come see poor sick little Sierra laying in her crib looking pitiful… instead they are greeted by a smiling, waving, up and walking around, trying to escape the room, Sierra. Thank goodness everybody has fallen in love with her… with my regularly-scheduled melt downs and freak-outs I’m certain we would have been kicked out of here by now if it wasn’t for her. She even melts the hearts of the other kids… there’s a little boy (he’s 3 years old) and I see him all the time when I go out into the hallway. He’s not in isolation like Sierra, so he goes outside of his room and walks the hallways… I always wave and smile and say hi to him… he stares at me and never cracks even the smallest of smiles. Today he and his dad were walking past our room, he looked in and saw Sierra waving at him and he smiled and waved and stood there and watched Sierra for the longest time. I wish she could go visit with the other kids, I just know she would make them feel better.
Click on the link below and for the twin ultimate cuteness! (You have the watch the whole thing, it’s so worth it when they start to laugh)
I’ve been wanting to do videos to my poems for awhile, I did one a few years back, but it got deleted when my youtube account was hacked. In the future, I hope to actually get more video and less pictures, but we will see.
Side note/bragging excitement: This poem is one of my favorites and it actually just won first place in The Shine Journal’s Contest and was nominated for The Pushcart Prize. I am excited this is like the first writing contest I have ever won and I have literally entered hundreds.
This past week I turned 26 and spent my last day at Pais. I honestly expected I was going to be there longer, but several different changes and opportunities made me realize it was time to move on. I am going to miss the people I worked with, they are amazing and have truly added so much to my life, I am so thankful for them. I learned a ton at this job and I know I was there for so many reasons.
Life is an adventure, I never really know what is around the bend, but I am reminded again, this is how I thrive. I remember my life song, Faith My Eyes by Caedmon’s Call,
and I don’t want to know, cause life is better off a mystery….
Yes. A change will do me good. I am used to the good-bye’s and hello’s, it seems to be how life rolls along. At first I struggled with thinking I have commitment issues or something, but no, this is the way God made me. I come alive when I itinerate.
so keep on coming, these lines on the road…
I am now currently a full-time freelance writer. I have a few writing projects I am pursuing, including one opportunity to co-write a book with someone who has enormously influenced my life. That is going to be my main focus this summer and most likely beyond. It is something that has been burning on my heart for the past three years, it is incredibly important book the world needs to read- a journey from bondage to grace and life. I am so excited because I feel like God is finally releasing me to jump into this. More on that later. 🙂
Keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load…
I also contributing to this beautiful book called Teach Your Daughters to Cry Loudly. This project is by Jonathan Almanzar, the same talented writer who co-authored the book, Crabgrass and Oak Trees, which I reviewed earlier in my blog. Teach Your Daughters is collaboration of stories of oppressed women all over the world, a way share in their suffering and have our hearts broken until we must do something to help ease their pain. The story I have contributed is one about a girl I met in the brothel in India, the sister of one of the girls in the children’s home we worked out. Seeing since how the soul purpose of our trip to India was to tell stories, it is amazing to me how one year later, it is really happening. This book is so much my heart and I am honored to be a part of it.
Keep me guessing, these blessings in disguise…
If you are still reading, thank you for being a part of my journey. I am going to try to blog more often here.
brookelouvier.com 